I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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