I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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