I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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