I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize