We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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