I think my vagina is haunted
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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