***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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