running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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