the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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