She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
40s are totally the cure
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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