I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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