a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize