i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize