I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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