I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize