Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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