just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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