The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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