You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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