Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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