While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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