somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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