She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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