How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize