Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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