What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
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you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
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I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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