He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize