Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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