I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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