It's Friday. Sex?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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