You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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