I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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