Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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