wakey wakey hands off snakey
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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