and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
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