If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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