I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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