I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
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will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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