kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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