I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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