I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize