just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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