Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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