I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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