We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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