you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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