mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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