I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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