like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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