Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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