yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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